I'm not sure what happened, but somewhere along the way I missed the "how to make choices" lesson in my youth. I am horrible at making choices. I get teased because there will be tags left on my purchases for awhile because "what if I might like the other one better?" Options terrify me. Drive through windows make me twitch. To me they are big list of food screaming at me: "I'm good. No I'm better. Eat me. no, bad choice. You're not gonna like me. I'm low fat. chicken. no beef." I used to overload and panic which could result in either major hesitation (tick-toc, tick-toc) or shutdown. To silence the screams I have defaulted my choice to "just get me what you're getting" and avoid the choice all together. I may or may not enjoy it, but at least I didn't have to make a choice. Packing for vacation is a joke. If I have to decide on ONLY 3 outfits my suitcase is up to the brim because I can't decide. I avoid vacations because of it. Actually, I avoid decision making at all costs. Every choice weighs on me as if it is life or death.
As you can imagine this has created some struggles in my day to day life. There have been times I have wasted entire mornings swallowed up by the inability to choose what store to go to, or if my shoes match, etc. So how exactly do I survive life? It is chalk full of forks in the road. Well, I am probably one of the most high strung humans on this planet, who's walls have been 5 different colors in 6 months. I have wasted countless hours due to this little devil indecision. I'd like to say I have gotten better. I am married to the most laid back guy on the planet after all. Decisions are a breeze for Barry because he is highly logical. I on the other hand, I am the summation of all things emotional. I make decisions based on how I feel. This is all very complicated I 100% agree. Exhausting. I drive myself crazy. I often feel out of control of my life. I see so much right in front of me for the taking and I don't know what or how to get it. I know this is one of my battles in life. I do struggle with it daily.
Recently I have been keep-me-up-at-night worried about my work situation. I have worked for Ray Family Dental Care for the past year. To make a long story short, my boss has been taking advantage of me financially the whole time I have worked for him. And when he turned me down for a small raise based on reasons completely unrelated to my performance I felt angry and out of this anger I went looking for another job and found one.
So what is wrong with this picture? Bad job. Bad boss. Get a new one. Problem solved. I should be this simple.
Well, when I put in my two weeks notice Dr. Ray basically begged me not to go, told me he doesn't want me to go anywhere else and offered me 100% pay increase. This created a whole new wave of emotions. It confirmed that he was indeed taking advantage of me and CONFLICT: this is what I have wanted the whole time and most of my reason for leaving in the first place and here it is on the table. So.... NOW WHAT DO I DO??
Logic says, He is a self serving jerk who had a YEAR to treat you right and didn't and is now panicking because he knows HE will take a hit loosing me. Logic says, walk away don't look back. Logic says, You will make more money at a new job, duh easy choice.
Emotion says, he does care about me he just needed to learn a lesson. He is human. He will be better. Emotion says, you have no idea what this other job is going to be like, it's probably going to be horrible. Emotion says, I really like Rosie. She is my friend. Emotion wants to be accepted by a person who has treated you bad and now he is. Emotion keeps begging me to stay.
And the battle commences. I am being torn in half. I want peace and can't find it. My heart hurts either way. I'll feel stupid if I stay because the logical message is clear. I'd be telling Dr. Ray It's okay what you did. I am just stuck. Is logic or emotion better? Its hard for Barry to relate to me at all. He is all logic. He doesn't understand why I am even considering staying.
help.
What would you do. I tried the pro's/ con's list. Still left with a big fat question mark???????
