I'm not sure what happened, but somewhere along the way I missed the "how to make choices" lesson in my youth. I am horrible at making choices. I get teased because there will be tags left on my purchases for awhile because "what if I might like the other one better?" Options terrify me. Drive through windows make me twitch. To me they are big list of food screaming at me: "I'm good. No I'm better. Eat me. no, bad choice. You're not gonna like me. I'm low fat. chicken. no beef." I used to overload and panic which could result in either major hesitation (tick-toc, tick-toc) or shutdown. To silence the screams I have defaulted my choice to "just get me what you're getting" and avoid the choice all together. I may or may not enjoy it, but at least I didn't have to make a choice. Packing for vacation is a joke. If I have to decide on ONLY 3 outfits my suitcase is up to the brim because I can't decide. I avoid vacations because of it. Actually, I avoid decision making at all costs. Every choice weighs on me as if it is life or death.
As you can imagine this has created some struggles in my day to day life. There have been times I have wasted entire mornings swallowed up by the inability to choose what store to go to, or if my shoes match, etc. So how exactly do I survive life? It is chalk full of forks in the road. Well, I am probably one of the most high strung humans on this planet, who's walls have been 5 different colors in 6 months. I have wasted countless hours due to this little devil indecision. I'd like to say I have gotten better. I am married to the most laid back guy on the planet after all. Decisions are a breeze for Barry because he is highly logical. I on the other hand, I am the summation of all things emotional. I make decisions based on how I feel. This is all very complicated I 100% agree. Exhausting. I drive myself crazy. I often feel out of control of my life. I see so much right in front of me for the taking and I don't know what or how to get it. I know this is one of my battles in life. I do struggle with it daily.
Recently I have been keep-me-up-at-night worried about my work situation. I have worked for Ray Family Dental Care for the past year. To make a long story short, my boss has been taking advantage of me financially the whole time I have worked for him. And when he turned me down for a small raise based on reasons completely unrelated to my performance I felt angry and out of this anger I went looking for another job and found one.
So what is wrong with this picture? Bad job. Bad boss. Get a new one. Problem solved. I should be this simple.
Well, when I put in my two weeks notice Dr. Ray basically begged me not to go, told me he doesn't want me to go anywhere else and offered me 100% pay increase. This created a whole new wave of emotions. It confirmed that he was indeed taking advantage of me and CONFLICT: this is what I have wanted the whole time and most of my reason for leaving in the first place and here it is on the table. So.... NOW WHAT DO I DO??
Logic says, He is a self serving jerk who had a YEAR to treat you right and didn't and is now panicking because he knows HE will take a hit loosing me. Logic says, walk away don't look back. Logic says, You will make more money at a new job, duh easy choice.
Emotion says, he does care about me he just needed to learn a lesson. He is human. He will be better. Emotion says, you have no idea what this other job is going to be like, it's probably going to be horrible. Emotion says, I really like Rosie. She is my friend. Emotion wants to be accepted by a person who has treated you bad and now he is. Emotion keeps begging me to stay.
And the battle commences. I am being torn in half. I want peace and can't find it. My heart hurts either way. I'll feel stupid if I stay because the logical message is clear. I'd be telling Dr. Ray It's okay what you did. I am just stuck. Is logic or emotion better? Its hard for Barry to relate to me at all. He is all logic. He doesn't understand why I am even considering staying.
help.
What would you do. I tried the pro's/ con's list. Still left with a big fat question mark???????
9 comments:
Move on sweetie! You deserve a boss that you can trust!
Oh, I remember those days when we were roommates and if I happened to be in the living room and you were getting ready I remember the outfit and shoe dilema... Oh LC- I adore you!! I can see what you're saying about yourself, but at the same time I see you as a put-together, detail oreiented type of person. I guess we are all our own worst enemies :/
So my opinion is LEAVE- take the other job... You said it- he is/has been and probably will continue to be taken advantage of... in my experience, CHANGE IS SO GOOOOD!!! Sometimes its forced, sometimes its a choice, but it is SO GOOD for you... It helps you learn & grow in more ways than you'd think... and then you are also saying "i am NOT going to let someone take advantage of me like that" and you move on... and you will feel better in the end because you stuck to it!
Good luck!! I personally think you will be happy in the end :)
loves
Oh Lisa I'm the same way in so many ways. I totally hear ya about the changing your wall color so many times because there are so many other options. That's truly one of the reasons I'm afraid to buy a house. What if I get tired of it after a year and want something new or different and then I'm stuck?
Anyway, I say that life is WAY too short to stick with a job that won't help you grow. I've had some bad jobs in my past so I can tell you it is NEVER worth it to work for someone who is not interested in helping you grow professionally (and that includes compensating you for what you're worth). Take the new job. The friends you have at your old job can still be your friends. But this is your LIFE and your job is part of it and if you're worth millions why would you let someone pay you pennies? So what that he gave you a raise now that he realized he was going to lose you? What happens next year when you deserve another raise? Is it worth another battle and emotional turmoil?
Take the new job and enjoy the new experience (and the respect you deserve to be fairly paid what you're worth!)
I'm with Barry and the rest of the commentors here- take the new job. I have listened to you complain about your boss for the last year (not anything close to how much Barry had to listen to) so I don't buy it at all that he has suddenly seen the light and "learned his lesson" as you state. No, he hasn't and he is cheap (I'm cheap, so if I call someone else cheap that is saying something) and not concerned with your professional future at all, only his wallet. Someone else is willing to pay you what you are worth with only seeing you work once, and this guy has been your boss for over a year and never figured it out until you were on your way out the door. Also, since you already said yes to the other guys, it would not be professional to back out on them now. They needed to fill the position and since you already told them yes you need to stick with that.
I have the same "indecision" curse as you do sis, but not quite to the same degree. That's why I always get the same thing whenever I go out to eat. No decision needed. Again, take the new job and don't look back, except to see the tears in his eyes as you flip him off! ;)
I would have to say that I agree with the rest of the bunch. When you look at your current job and all the reasons that you don't like it, the money is one of the reasons but not the only reason. From talking to you about it the past year I know that there are a lot of other reasons that you are not happy at that job. If you stay, yes you'll be making more money, but those other things are not magically going to change. Is it worth it just for the extra money?
Now, it's true that the new job might be terrible too- who knows. BUT it also might be absolutely incredible. You'll never know unless you try it! Plus, new jobs bring new experiences and growth, which will make you even better qualified for that dream job you may have. Sometimes we just have to take that step into the darkness and trust that it will all work out. You are a wonderful hygienist and you deserve to be treated that way and enjoy your job. It's true- life is too short to live in unhappiness/anxiety 40 hours out of the week! Love you sis!
Lisa, my baby girl! I am so sorry that you struggle so much! Decisions and choices are hard for everyone, but I believe sometimes we have to rely on the Lord for help for the major decisions we make in our lives. I was just reading this morning in the D&C about how we KNOW if something is right. You say that you let you emotions determine your choices, well use those emotions after you pray. After going to the Lord with your decision, see if you feel really good inside! That's your answer! I was thinking about how Bishops have to make so many decisions and how they turn to their counselors for advice! Lisa, you have a wonderful husband and good friends to listen to for advice. You need to heed their council. Do not feel bad for Dr. Ray, he brought this on himself! I know change is hard for you, but like Kari said, just take the first step with faith that all will be for the best. We love you sweetie!
Yes you do have a hard time making decision! But i think we all do at times. I agree with everyone here. In with the new out with the old. I have had MANY jobs in my life and $ was always an issue but looking back the best places i worked were at those places that i enjoyed and maybe didn't make as much $ but i loved going to work and felt like i was treated the way i should. You know that $ is only a temporal thing and we are here to learn all we can and enjoy it. I think your boss is really desperate and well frankly he needs to see that he is going to lose a great employee b/c of his choices. Like Kari said new job= new growth and experience. I know your decision will be hard but you can do it. Just trust that its right and if things don't pan out the way you thought it doesn't mean you made the wrong decision. I know you have faith and just put your trust in the Lord he wont abandon you. Good Luck my friend. xoxox
THANKS EVERYONE. My last day is Friday.
Lisa, I feel your pain! I struggle with making decisions too! Once when I was in gradeschool, I couldn't decide if I was going to get my lunch from the lunch line or from the snack bar. I spent the entire lunch period going back and forth from one line to the other, and when I finally just stuck to a line, it closed and lunch was over. That was a huge lesson to me. At the time, it was simple: if you don't make a decision, you're going to be hungry and miserable for the rest of the day. But the memory has stuck and my understanding of the lesson has deepened. If we are always going back and forth between decisions, we will be left with nothing. No experience, no way to know what's good or what's not. Life is going to continue on, with or without us. So, we must make decisions in order to grow in knowledge and understanding. Sure, leaving Dr. Whatshisbucket may not end with you finding your dream job of all time. And conversely, staying could only compound your problems. What if you hate your new job? What if they don't live up to their promises? What if? What if?? What IF??? There is no way to know unless you jump into that water and see how it feels. Don't let this guy confuse you. "By their fruits ye shall know them." What are his fruits? Has he been honest and lived up to his word for the past year? Or, has he been dishonest and unfair to you? To me, the choice is obvious because I don't have this guy whispering promises in my ear. So listen up! Your friends and family are wise and know what they're talking about! We can see outside of the situation because we aren't emotionally tied to it. You are, and lots of people would be. Don't get down on yourself, my sweet kumquat. You are intelligent, funny, independent, creative, and you are a daughter of God. When you consider that, don't you know what the answer is? I know you'll make the right choice, Lisa. You are pretty amazing! I love you!
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